Spring Break
How would Springfield vote?
By: Mike Ellis
Issue date: 3/14/08 Section: Voices
Where the Simpsons stand on the presidential elections:
Homer: He has several prominent Republican enemies, including George H.W. Bush and Sean Hannity; on the other hand, he developed a complex flat tax proposal with divine inspiration. Homer would vote for television's Fred Thompson. Unfortunately Homer neither learned nor cared that Thompson (hell, anyone) was ever in the race. Not that it matters, his multiple felony convictions make him ineligible in every state but Maine and Vermont. (Nevertheless, you can order Homer Simpson '08 bumper stickers at presidentsimpson.com)
Marge: The feminism exhibited during her stint at Springfield University rarely gets an outlet. Marge is all Hillary Clinton, someone who knows what it's like to have a d'oh husband. The one with big blue hair mourned the death of Lyndon B. Johnson, a president Clinton also recently admired.
Lisa: Lisa2008.com is trying to draft the underage social liberal. Obama supporter.
Bart: Having gotten a driver's license both legally (once) and illegally (twice), Bart could very well be eligible to vote. But the political felonies (coups?) he fesses up to during blackboard writing punishments include buying a presidential pardon, planting subliminal messages in political ads, assuming the presidency during Bush v. Gore and inducing a heart attack in Vice President Dick Cheney's ticker.
Mr. Burns: He doesn't vote and doesn't need to. The head of Springfield's Republican Party recently bought election machine company Diebold (and renamed it the more active-sounding Killbold). Don't be surprised if fellow Yalie and Skull and Bones member George W. Bush wins again. You heard it here first.
Troy McClure: You may remember Troy McClure from past unsuccessful, fictional campaigns such as, "Maybe on Proposal A, yes on propositioning your A" and "1984 - an election, my PIN number and a boring book." His voting behavior is irrelevant, outdated and thrice divorced from all common sense.
Homer: He has several prominent Republican enemies, including George H.W. Bush and Sean Hannity; on the other hand, he developed a complex flat tax proposal with divine inspiration. Homer would vote for television's Fred Thompson. Unfortunately Homer neither learned nor cared that Thompson (hell, anyone) was ever in the race. Not that it matters, his multiple felony convictions make him ineligible in every state but Maine and Vermont. (Nevertheless, you can order Homer Simpson '08 bumper stickers at presidentsimpson.com)
Marge: The feminism exhibited during her stint at Springfield University rarely gets an outlet. Marge is all Hillary Clinton, someone who knows what it's like to have a d'oh husband. The one with big blue hair mourned the death of Lyndon B. Johnson, a president Clinton also recently admired.
Lisa: Lisa2008.com is trying to draft the underage social liberal. Obama supporter.
Bart: Having gotten a driver's license both legally (once) and illegally (twice), Bart could very well be eligible to vote. But the political felonies (coups?) he fesses up to during blackboard writing punishments include buying a presidential pardon, planting subliminal messages in political ads, assuming the presidency during Bush v. Gore and inducing a heart attack in Vice President Dick Cheney's ticker.
Mr. Burns: He doesn't vote and doesn't need to. The head of Springfield's Republican Party recently bought election machine company Diebold (and renamed it the more active-sounding Killbold). Don't be surprised if fellow Yalie and Skull and Bones member George W. Bush wins again. You heard it here first.
Troy McClure: You may remember Troy McClure from past unsuccessful, fictional campaigns such as, "Maybe on Proposal A, yes on propositioning your A" and "1984 - an election, my PIN number and a boring book." His voting behavior is irrelevant, outdated and thrice divorced from all common sense.
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