2008 Woodie Awards
Drake: Secrets shared make impact
By: Cynthia J. Drake
Issue date: 9/28/07 Section: Voices
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Kari was the kind of person you keep running into during your freshman year in college; first in the dorm, then in a lecture hall, and before you know it, you're making up interesting nicknames for your professors and pulling all-nighters together during exam week.
She was my best friend and God knows I needed one of those in a place where I didn't know anyone.
It was our junior year when Kari told me her secret. We were sitting in her old boat of a car we named "Bertha," when she told me her father had sexually abused her since she was 8 years old.
I could only cry with her. That's all I could do.
By that time I had been told secrets like that a lot in college, from women who were date raped, assaulted by a family friend or a boyfriend. It felt like dominoes, like the last in a line of women shaking me out of a false sense of reality I had created of what it meant to be "normal," to have a childhood, to be a woman in control.
What I learned in college about life:
"Normal" is being woken up in the middle of the night by the man you're supposed to trust above any other man and having your innocence taken away from you.
"Normal" is saying "no" and being raped anyway.
"Normal" is being afraid to tell anyone what happened, because you're afraid they won't believe you, because "normal" also means people blaming you.
And for me, "normal" is trying to be a good friend to some of the strongest women I know who had this ugly thing happen to them. And marching beside them during "Take Back the Night" rallies and protests, hearing people scream things like "Femi-Nazis," at us.
But you don't have to take my word for it - you probably already know these women. If not, you're about to meet them. The statistics say one out of every four women will be sexually assaulted in her lifetime.
What do you do when someone tells you a secret like that? Listen. Believe them. Be there for them in whatever way they need you to be. And if you're at CMU, point them in the direction of SAPA - Sexual Aggression Peer Advocates.
CMU has some of the best resources of any campus in the country for survivors of sexual assault. It's a strange thing to be known for, but when you've met the people I've met, you understand what an important thing it is.
SAPA has a 24/7 crisis line for support at 774-CALL (2255), as well as a weekly online chat 7 to 10 p.m. Wednesdays at www.sapa.cmich.edu. The group offers free, confidential advocacy and support to survivors and friends of survivors. It's a safe place with highly-trained, compassionate people who can help you out on your terms when you're ready.
Keep that information handy - you never know when you (or your best friend) might need it.
She was my best friend and God knows I needed one of those in a place where I didn't know anyone.
It was our junior year when Kari told me her secret. We were sitting in her old boat of a car we named "Bertha," when she told me her father had sexually abused her since she was 8 years old.
I could only cry with her. That's all I could do.
By that time I had been told secrets like that a lot in college, from women who were date raped, assaulted by a family friend or a boyfriend. It felt like dominoes, like the last in a line of women shaking me out of a false sense of reality I had created of what it meant to be "normal," to have a childhood, to be a woman in control.
What I learned in college about life:
"Normal" is being woken up in the middle of the night by the man you're supposed to trust above any other man and having your innocence taken away from you.
"Normal" is saying "no" and being raped anyway.
"Normal" is being afraid to tell anyone what happened, because you're afraid they won't believe you, because "normal" also means people blaming you.
And for me, "normal" is trying to be a good friend to some of the strongest women I know who had this ugly thing happen to them. And marching beside them during "Take Back the Night" rallies and protests, hearing people scream things like "Femi-Nazis," at us.
But you don't have to take my word for it - you probably already know these women. If not, you're about to meet them. The statistics say one out of every four women will be sexually assaulted in her lifetime.
What do you do when someone tells you a secret like that? Listen. Believe them. Be there for them in whatever way they need you to be. And if you're at CMU, point them in the direction of SAPA - Sexual Aggression Peer Advocates.
CMU has some of the best resources of any campus in the country for survivors of sexual assault. It's a strange thing to be known for, but when you've met the people I've met, you understand what an important thing it is.
SAPA has a 24/7 crisis line for support at 774-CALL (2255), as well as a weekly online chat 7 to 10 p.m. Wednesdays at www.sapa.cmich.edu. The group offers free, confidential advocacy and support to survivors and friends of survivors. It's a safe place with highly-trained, compassionate people who can help you out on your terms when you're ready.
Keep that information handy - you never know when you (or your best friend) might need it.
Viewing Comments 1 - 1 of 1
Zach Drake
posted 9/30/07 @ 2:37 PM EST
This article unnerves me more than SAPA's No Zebras No Excuses play; which definitely says something. It unnerves me so much to say that I just want to punch a wall and scream. (Continued…)
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