Top 13 scary things for Halloween
By: Tricia Woolfenden
LIFE Et Cetera Writer
Issue date: 10/30/00 Section: Et cetera
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13. Christmas decorations. True, they have been up since the end of August, so you might be used to them by now, but do we really need to rush this holiday? It would be nice of Halloween and Thanksgiving could occur before I have to be bombarded with fake Christmas trees, giant Santa Clauses and plastic manger scenes. "Let it Snow" should not be allowed to play on any store loud speaker at a time of year when the actual occurrence would be a freak act of nature.
12. Mimes. They don't talk, they have painted faces and they're always stuck in an invisible box. On second thought, they're not scary. They're annoying.
11. The return of Tiffany. Word has it that she will be putting out a new album soon. Is there no end to this madness? Someone should tell her that there are no 60's songs left for her to cover, and she might actually have to (gasp!) write her own material this time around.
10. Devils Night. This ritual of pranks takes place tonight. Too bad that Mount Pleasant is decidedly boring when it comes to events such as these.
9. The hairstyles in "Pay it Forward." Helen Hunt looks like she plunged head-first into a bottle of bleach and bad taste, Bon Jovi has a slicked back version of a 46-year housewife's bouffant and Haley Joel Osment has the beginnings of a child-sized mullet. Who allowed this travesty of style to transpire?
8. Preacher Rick. We all know who he is. We all know what he says. We all know where he says we're going. We all know why he's on this list.
7. Spiders. They're little and have the ability to hide in small places. The big ones are even scarier because they look like they have the ability to bite your arm off. Or at least cause some sort of damage. I'll never forget when I got out of the shower late at night, put my robe on and found a spider twice the size of a small rodent on it. I've always been scared of spiders, but I will never, ever recover from that incident.
6. This year's presidential election. As far as I'm concerned the only worthy candidate is Nader, so of course, he won't win. So that leaves us with either the rich, middle-aged white guy who has trouble forming complete, intelligent sentences, or...the rich, middle-aged white guy who makes outrageous claims (such as, "I invented the Internet") and looks like a mannequin (which are also creepy). The future of our country is in one of these dumbasses hands. Enjoy.
5. Mid-terms. We are officially at the mid-point of the semester. This is the point at which: a.) You will see that you have been doing an excellent job with your studies, making you the envy of every other student and the apple of your parents eye OR b.) You will receive your mid-term grades and say "Oh, so those are the classes I've been enrolled in. Maybe I should start attending them. Nah."
4. "The Exorcist." This movie was scary enough the first time around. Now, it has been re-released, featuring some new footage. What can they do to top off spinning heads, contorting faces and a little girl spewing forward pea soup? I suppose they could have a soundtrack featuring Creed and Vertical Horizon. Creed. Now that's some scary stuff right there.
3. The cover art for Limp Bizkit's new album, "Chocolate Starfish and the Hotdog Flavored Water." The only thing scarier than the actual name of this album is their terrible excuse for the cover artwork. It's so bad it can't even be called "art." Durst and his crew aren't even clever in their attempt at making strange sexual (is that what it is?) connotations with the title. The cover is an obvious display of alien-like creatures laying in a pile of phallic symbol hotdogs. And there is no question as to what is on that starfish.
2. Mount Pleasant Police. All the little trick-or-treaters better beware. They might be handing out nuisance party tickets to groups of third graders walking along the sidewalk on Halloween night. Especially if they're all rowdy and hopped up on Skittles and Butterfingers.
1. Clowns.
